Step by step

Bismillah..

slm wbt. lama nye x sentuh blogspot. tetibe sentuh plak hari ni eh? maybe, rasa lagi selesa berckp di alam maya dari ckp dgn org kot. arini rasa nk tgk balik latest post kwn2 blog. and i really touched by kucingbunge pnye post. will repost it here~

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pelik...dlm byk2 patient yg perlu didiagnosa..mendiagnosa diri sendiri adelah yg paling sukar..
pelik..bila 'ok!' membawa mkna 'tidak ok!' sebenarnya,dan 'x ok!' membawa makna 'tidak ok yg telah kronik'..
pelik..bila kenangan yg sedih ,adalah kenangan yg paling kita xnak lupekan..
pelik,bila manusia bisa memilih bahagia,tp masih 'memilih' utk hidup dibayangi derita...
manusia mmg pelik.
dan aku juga termasuk dlm spesies manusia.
n i hope Allah will guide me to the right path.amin.

----------- from kucing bunge.

totally agreed. mmg susah nk diagnose diri sdiri. kadang2 kita x sedar yg kita buat buruk kat org. kadang2 kita x sedar yg kita dh x bagus macam dulu. thats why Allah hantarkan org sekeliling kita utk tegur kita. Utk baiki kita. Alhamdulillah, banyak advices and kritikan dpt recently. I really want to change and i need time. Bukan utk prove kat sapa2 yg saya dh berubah. Just utk bgtau diri sdiri yg perubahan yg kekal perlukan masa. Mustahil secara tiba-tiba. 

Saya x nak jadi org yg buta hati nya, dh berapa kali baca ayat Quran yg sama, still x reti2 nk take action. Saya x nak jadi org bodoh, yg dh berapa kali jatuh, still x reti2 nk bangun. Saya x nak jadi lemah. Haah, mmg sy cry baby, tp tu bukan bermaksud sy lemah. Bermakna hati sy masih sensitive.

Ada kawan sy ckp, sy bajet bagus. Kelakar nye, sy masih igt. Because, x pernah2 org ckp mcm tu kat sy. At first, sy rasa marah. And sy try tgk balik kat diri dia, eleh dia pun bajet bagus. Tp sy x sedar, sy buat cmtu, buatkan diri saya x ubah macam dia. And sy x sedar, sebenarnya itu adalah teguran dari Allah. Allah macam ckp kat saya, nena, dh la pom pam pom pam sana sini, tp engkau x buat pon. ko nak kena laknat ke? Astaghfirullah~ :(

Nak kritik? Please go ahead. Sy dh tua, umur 24 tahun ni. Tak guna dah nk ckp elok2. Macam besi buruk, u nak jual mahal2, kne letak atas bara api lama2, kne ketuk2 dulu. Then, baru boleh jual mahal.

Nak bagi advice? Yes, please, i need them.

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Pernah dgr Yasmin Mogahed? 2 days ago, i just bought her book, Reclaim Your Heart. The first page pun, dh cukup buat org banjir. Dalam buku tu, dia bahagikan into several parts ; ada Attachments, Love, Hardships, Relationship with Creator, Women's status, Ummah and finally Poetry. And of course, my favourite part is Attachment.




So, dgn sukacitanya saya, nk share a snippet from the first page of her book. Really touching.

Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit again.

But the problem wasn’t with the vase. Or even that the vases kept breaking. The problem was that I kept putting them on the edge of tables. Through my attachments, I was dependent on my relationships to fulfill my needs. I allowed those relationships to define my happiness or my sadness, my fulfillment or my emptiness, my security, and even my self-worth. And so, like the vase placed where it will inevitably fall, through those dependencies I set myself up for disappointment. I set myself up to be broken. And that’s exactly what I found: one disappointment, one break after another.

Reclaim Your Heart is available at Diwan's bookstore for LE145

Kadang2, sy sedih. Sb relationship some of kawan2 saya and sy sdiri x macam dulu. Tapi, sy kne percaya yg kebahagiaan dan kegembiraan yang datang atas rahmat Allah. Bukan bergantung pada mereka. Allah shoud be your main concern. Ingat tu nena!

Okay. I should stop. Utk sesapa yg baca ni, just nk minta doakan, supaya saya and anda sdiri, lebih kuat and tau pada tempat mana we should depend on. Oh, one more thing, sy sekarang tgh internal medicine. doakan supaya sentiasa rajin dan x cepat penat. slm wbt.